{"id":98415,"date":"2021-11-07T02:51:22","date_gmt":"2021-11-07T02:51:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/?p=98415"},"modified":"2021-11-06T17:02:46","modified_gmt":"2021-11-06T17:02:46","slug":"kolcsonsorok-cristian-tudor-popescu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/?p=98415","title":{"rendered":"K\u00f6lcs\u00f6nsorok: Cristian Tudor Popescu"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n

Az utols\u00f3 cigaretta \/ Ultima \u021bigar\u0103<\/strong><\/em>

<\/h2>\r\n

A doh\u00e1nyz\u00e1st, ak\u00e1r az \u00fajs\u00e1g\u00edr\u00e1st, hossz\u00fa \u00e9vek alatt sem tudtam abbahagyni, pedig mindkett\u0151 rosszat tett nekem. Ma is \u00fagy tal\u00e1lom, hogy a cigaretta a kedvesebb szenved\u00e9ly.
A sz\u0171r\u0151 n\u00e9lk\u00fcli Carpa\u0163i karmol\u00e1sa reggel a torkomban maga a hal\u00e1l \u00edze. Napi hatvan kopors\u00f3szeggel val\u00f3ban a hal\u00e1llal fl\u00f6rt\u00f6lsz, ez pedig, m\u00edg fiatal vagy, egy bomba n\u0151n\u00e9l is
k\u00e9jesebb. R\u00e1ad\u00e1sul a r\u00e1gy\u00fajt\u00e1ssal meg\u00faszhatod a legmegal\u00e1z\u00f3bb nevets\u00e9gess\u00e9get is \u2013, amit\u0151l eg\u00e9sz \u00e9letemben rettegtem.
1991-ben 93 kil\u00f3t nyomtam, s\u00e1padt voltam, szemem k\u00f6r\u00fcl nagy barna karik\u00e1kkal, s ha csak mintegy \u00f6tven m\u00e9ternyi k\u00f6nny\u0171 fut\u00e1sra sz\u00e1ntam magam, a pulzusom m\u00e1ris felugrott 140-re. Gyakran volt \u00fagy, hogy a frissen gy\u00fajtott cigaretta a sz\u00e1mban, s a m\u00e1sik m\u00e9g \u00e9gve a hamutart\u00f3ban. Ezzel a temp\u00f3val, Gic\u0103 Petrescuval* ellent\u00e9tben, nem \u00e9rem vala meg a 2000-diket.
Semmif\u00e9le orvosi ijeszteget\u00e9s nem t\u00e1ntor\u00edthatott el a cigit\u0151l. A hal\u00e1l sietett oltalmamra. \u00c9s a nevets\u00e9gess\u00e9g f\u00e9lelme.
V\u00e9g\u00fcl pedig Dan, amint a kopors\u00f3ban fekszik, \u00f6sszetett kezekkel, nyakkend\u0151sen, mint soha \u00e9let\u00e9ben, a szok\u00e1sos ironikus \u00e9s m\u00e9gis meleg mosolya n\u00e9lk\u00fcl.
Dan Meri\u015fca a bar\u00e1tom volt. Vele halt az ifj\u00fas\u00e1gom is. N\u00e9ztem, amint pill\u00e1in \u00e9s parasztbajsz\u00e1n meg\u00fclnek a h\u00f3pelyhek, \u00e9s az abszurd f\u00e1jdalomt\u00f3l \u00e1llatian \u00fcv\u00f6lteni szerettem volna.
\u00c9s akkor, mit\u00e9v\u0151 lehettem, r\u00e1gy\u00fajtottam.
Az els\u0151 sz\u00edv\u00e1st\u00f3l olyan \u00e9melyg\u00e9s fogott el, oly heves ut\u00e1lat, ami val\u00f3s\u00e1ggal bel\u00e9m fojtotta a f\u00e1jdalmat.
Cigaretta sosem tartott olyan sok\u00e1ig, de eldobni sem voltam k\u00e9pes, az utols\u00f3 slukkn\u00e1l m\u00e1r-m\u00e1r \u00e9gett az ujjam.
Elhagytam a Galata temet\u0151t, de a Dan szertert\u00e1sos s\u00edrba t\u00e9telekor sz\u00edvott cigaretta \u00e9s a k\u00fcl\u00f6n\u00f6s rosszull\u00e9t nem hagyott al\u00e1bb.
Lassacsk\u00e1n meg\u00e9rtettem, hogy a f\u00e9kezhetetlen ut\u00e1lkoz\u00e1s a doh\u00e1nyt\u00f3l j\u00f6n.
Dan meghalt, \u00e9n pedig szenvedtem, \u00e9s a doh\u00e1nyz\u00e1s olyan volt, mint szeretkez\u00e9skor, el\u0151tte, ut\u00e1na, k\u00e9t korty vodka k\u00f6z\u00f6tt, vagy vizel\u00e9s k\u00f6zben. Mert ez m\u00e9lt\u00f3n mutatja f\u00e1jdalmam a vil\u00e1g el\u0151tt. Eszm\u00e9letlen\u00fcl f\u00fcst\u00f6ltem, hogy szembemenjek a hal\u00e1llal, hogy bizony\u00edtsam: nem f\u00e9lek t\u0151le; hogy nem dobom el magam ez\u00e9rt az \u00e9let\u00e9rt, ezt tettem a val\u00f3s\u00e1gos hal\u00e1l el\u0151tt is, amely \u00f6r\u00f6kre elt\u00f6r\u00f6lte Dant.
A g\u00fany monumelt\u00e1lis megtestes\u00fcl\u00e9se voltam, a nevets\u00e9gess\u00e9 v\u00e1l\u00e1s szobra \u2013, amit\u0151l, jaj, mindig annyira \u0151rizkedtem.
A vil\u00e1g minden doh\u00e1nyz\u00e1sg\u00e1tl\u00f3 tapasza, nikotin-feledtet\u0151 bigy\u00f3ja sem t\u00e1ntor\u00edthat el a cigarett\u00e1z\u00e1st\u00f3l. Az egyetlen \u00fat a leszok\u00e1sra: az \u00f6nut\u00e1latom.
Azon az est\u00e9n elsz\u00edvtam m\u00e9g egyet, \u00e9s figyeltem magam, mint tud\u00f3s a feh\u00e9regeret. Ez az utols\u00f3, mondtam a l\u00e1nynak. Alig pal\u00e1stolt gy\u00f6ng\u00e9d megvet\u00e9ssel n\u00e9zett r\u00e1m: \u201eTot\u00e1l romlott vagy, sosem tudsz leszokni, told arr\u00e1bb magad egy m\u00e1sik asztalhoz.\u201d
R\u00e9m\u00e1lom volt, val\u00f3ban. H\u00e1rom h\u00e9ten \u00e1t doh\u00e1ny-\u00e1lmok k\u00eds\u00e9rtettek, erotikus jelleg\u0171ek. \u00c1lmomban cigizek, leh\u00fazom a f\u00fcst\u00f6t a beleimbe, hatalmas karik\u00e1kat f\u00fajok a sz\u00e1mon \u00e9s az orromon \u00e1t.
Ver\u00edt\u00e9kben f\u00fcr\u00f6dve \u00e9bredek, k\u00e1romkodva, d\u00fch\u00f6sen; a francba, megint visszaestem.
V\u00e9g\u00fcl \u00f3ri\u00e1si \u00f6r\u00f6m fog el \u2013, csup\u00e1n egy rossz \u00e1lom volt!…

Ha valaki r\u00e1gy\u00fajt a k\u00f6zelemben, k\u00e9rek egy cigit t\u0151le, hosszan szagolgatom, majd visszaadom.
\u00c1tfut rajtam: milyen lesz, mikor majd a n\u0151ket is csak \u00edgy guszt\u00e1lhatom.

Eltelt az\u00f3ta h\u00fasz esztend\u0151. Testem minden sejtje h\u00e1rom \u00edzben halt el, s \u00fajult is meg, de ma is \u00e9rzek n\u00e9ha, nagyon ritk\u00e1n, valami besti\u00e1lis szimmant\u00e1snyi v\u00e1gyat: hogy r\u00e1 kell gy\u00fajtanom.
Vil\u00e1gosan tudom viszont, hogy csak egyetlen egyszer fogom megtenni.
Ha felk\u00edn\u00e1lja a sors a kegyet, hogy az a h\u00f6lgy, akivel ifj\u00fa koromban annyit incselkedtem: \u2013, imm\u00e1r pap\u00edrokkal, hivatalosan is hozz\u00e1m j\u00f6n, h\u00e1t akkor mesteri gesztussal gy\u00fajtok cigarett\u00e1ra, \u00e9s az arc\u00e1ba f\u00fajom az \u00e9let m\u00e1gikus f\u00fcstj\u00e9t.

*Utal\u00e1s Gic\u0103 Petrescu (1915\u20132006) n\u00e9pszer\u0171 \u00e9nekes egyik mulat\u00f3s dal\u00e1ra<\/em>

Text publicat \u00een 2012 \u00een G\u00e2ndul.info.<\/em>
Republicat: Republica, 2016-03-15<\/em>

<\/p>\r\n

Ford\u00edtotta: B\u00f6l\u00f6ni Domokos<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\r\n

\r\n


De fumat, ca \u015fi de gazet\u0103rie, nu m-am putut l\u0103sa ani \u00een \u015fir, de\u015fi am\u00e2ndou\u0103 \u00eemi f\u0103ceau r\u0103u. \u0162igara mi se pare \u015fi azi viciul cel mai bun. Carpa\u0163ii f\u0103r\u0103 filtru r\u00e2c\u00e2indu-mi g\u00e2tlejul diminea\u0163a \u00eensemnau pentru mine gustul mor\u0163ii. La 60 de \u0163ig\u0103ri pe zi chiar flirtam cu moartea, ceea ce, c\u00e2nd e\u015fti t\u00e2n\u0103r poate fi mai pl\u0103cut dec\u00e2t cu o tip\u0103 tr\u0103znet. \u00cen plus, aprinderea unei \u0163ig\u0103ri te poate scoate \u00een orice clip\u0103 din ridicolul cel mai ad\u00e2nc, de care toat\u0103 via\u0163a mi-a fost groaz\u0103.<\/em>

\u00cen 1991 c\u00e2nt\u0103ream 93 de kile, eram palid cu cearc\u0103ne cafenii \u015fi dac\u0103 f\u0103ceam 50 de metri de alergare u\u015foar\u0103 pulsul \u00eemi ajungea la 140. Uneori aveam o \u0163igar\u0103 \u00een gur\u0103 \u015fi una aprins\u0103, arz\u00e2nd \u00een scrumier\u0103. \u00cen ritmul \u0103la, spre deosebire de Gic\u0103 Petrescu, nu treceam de anul 2000.<\/em>

\u015ei totu\u015fi, nicio sperietur\u0103 medical\u0103 nu m\u0103 putea face s\u0103 las \u0163igara. Tot moartea a fost cea care m-a ajutat. \u015ei ridicolul.<\/em>

\u015ei, la urma urmei, Dan, cum z\u0103cea a\u015fa \u00een co\u015fciug, cu m\u00e2inile \u00eempreunate, cu cravat\u0103, cum nu purtase niciodat\u0103, incredibil de serios, f\u0103r\u0103 obi\u015fnuitul lui z\u00e2mbet ironic \u015fi cald. Dan Meri\u015fca fusese prietenul meu. Odat\u0103 cu el murea \u015fi tinere\u0163ea mea. M\u0103 uitam cum i se a\u015fezau fulgii de z\u0103pad\u0103 pe spr\u00e2ncene \u015fi pe musta\u0163a de r\u0103ze\u015f \u015fi \u00eemi venea s\u0103 zbier ca un animal de durere \u015fi absurd. \u015ei atunci, ce s\u0103 fac, mi-am aprins o \u0163igar\u0103.<\/em>

De la primul fum, m-a cuprins sc\u00e2rba, o sc\u00e2rb\u0103 cresc\u00e2nd\u0103, care aproape mi-a acoperit durerea. Niciodat\u0103 o \u0163igar\u0103 nu mi s-a p\u0103rut c\u0103 \u0163ine at\u00e2t de mult, dar nici s-o arunc n-am fost \u00een stare, ultimul fum aproape c\u0103 mi-a ars degetele.<\/em>

Dup\u0103 ce am plecat din cimitirul Galatei, g\u00e2ndul la \u0163igara fumat\u0103 \u00eenainte ca Dan s\u0103 fie cobor\u00e2t \u00een p\u0103m\u00e2nt nu m\u0103 p\u0103r\u0103sea. \u00cencet, \u00eencet, am reu\u015fit s\u0103-mi dau seama c\u0103 sc\u00e2rba aceea de nest\u0103p\u00e2nit nu era sc\u00e2rb\u0103 de tutun.<\/em>

Dan era mort, \u015fi eu, deoarece, carevas\u0103zic\u0103, sufeream, \u00eemi b\u0103gasem paiul \u00een bot, ca porcul. A fuma, un gest pe care \u00eel f\u0103cusem \u00eenainte sau dup\u0103 sex, \u00eentre dou\u0103 \u00eenghi\u0163ituri din paharul cu votc\u0103 sau \u00een vreme ce urinam, \u00eel consideram demn de a reprezenta durerea mea \u00een fa\u0163a lumii. Fumam \u00een ne\u015ftire ca s\u0103 m\u0103 h\u00e2rjonesc cool cu moartea, ca s\u0103 demonstrez c\u0103 nu mi-e team\u0103 de ea, c\u0103 nu m\u0103 omor dup\u0103 via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi f\u0103cusem acela\u015fi lucru \u00een fa\u0163a mor\u0163ii adev\u0103rate, \u00eensp\u0103im\u00e2nt\u0103toare, care \u00eel \u015ftersese pentru totdeauna pe Dan. Fusesem \u00eentruchiparea monumental\u0103 a ridicolului de care m\u0103 feream cu at\u00e2ta grij\u0103.<\/em>

To\u0163i plasturii, toate nicoretele \u015fi picoretele antitabac n-ar fi reu\u015fit s\u0103 m\u0103 sc\u00e2rbeasc\u0103 de fumat. Singura cale a fost sc\u00e2rba de mine \u00eensumi.<\/em>

\u00cen seara aceea am mai fumat o \u0163igar\u0103, studiindu-m\u0103 ca un om de \u015ftiin\u0163\u0103 un \u015fobolan. \u201eAsta e ultima\u201d i-am spus fetei. M-a privit cu o tandre\u0163e vag dispre\u0163uitoare: \u201eE\u015fti vicios p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een m\u0103duv\u0103, n-ai s\u0103 te la\u015fi niciodat\u0103, c\u00e2nt\u0103 la alt\u0103 mas\u0103\u201d.<\/em>

\u00centr-adev\u0103r, a fost un co\u015fmar. Vreo trei s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2ni am avut vise tabacice, ca un fel de vise erotice, visam c\u0103 fumez, c\u0103 trag fumul p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een ma\u0163e \u015fi scot v\u0103l\u0103tuci enormi pe gur\u0103 \u015fi pe nas. M\u0103 trezeam lac de sudoare, \u00eenjur\u00e2nd, furios c\u0103 m-am apucat iar\u0103\u015fi de fumat. Pe urm\u0103, o bucurie imens\u0103 m\u0103 inunda \u2013 a fost doar \u00een vis!<\/em>

C\u00e2nd fuma cineva l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine \u00eei ceream o \u0163igar\u0103, o miroseam \u00eendelung \u015fi i-o d\u0103deam \u00eenapoi. Odat\u0103 m-am g\u00e2ndit cum va fi c\u00e2nd \u015fi femeile voi putea doar s\u0103 le adulmec.<\/em>

Au trecut 20 de ani de atunci. Toate celulele din corpul meu au murit \u015fi au \u00eenviat de trei ori, dar \u015fi ast\u0103zi mai simt uneori, foarte rar, dar mai simt un strop din setea bestial\u0103 de a fuma. \u015etiu \u00eens\u0103 limpede c\u0103 n-o s-o mai fac dec\u00e2t o singur\u0103 dat\u0103.<\/em>

Dac\u0103 mi se va oferi un r\u0103gaz \u00eenainte ca doamna aceea cu care cochetam \u00een tinere\u0163e s\u0103 m\u0103 ia cu acte, o s\u0103-mi aprind o \u0163igar\u0103 \u015fi o s\u0103-i suflu fumul \u00een fa\u0163\u0103.<\/em>

Text publicat \u00een 2012 \u00een G\u00e2ndul.info.<\/strong>
Republicat: Republica, 2016-03-15<\/strong><\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Az utols\u00f3 cigaretta \/ Ultima \u021bigar\u0103 A doh\u00e1nyz\u00e1st, ak\u00e1r az \u00fajs\u00e1g\u00edr\u00e1st, hossz\u00fa \u00e9vek alatt sem tudtam abbahagyni, pedig mindkett\u0151 rosszat tett nekem. Ma is \u00fagy tal\u00e1lom, hogy a cigaretta a kedvesebb szenved\u00e9ly. A sz\u0171r\u0151 n\u00e9lk\u00fcli Carpa\u0163i karmol\u00e1sa reggel a torkomban maga a hal\u00e1l \u00edze. Napi hatvan kopors\u00f3szeggel val\u00f3ban a hal\u00e1llal fl\u00f6rt\u00f6lsz, ez pedig, m\u00edg fiatal […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[132],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-elbeszeles"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98415","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=98415"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98415\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=98415"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=98415"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ujkafe.website\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=98415"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}